Things That Apparently Can Happen When You Get Pregnant

  • Your belly button turns brown

  • Your feet grow

  • Your hair grows, but not in good places - on your chest or your abdomen!!

  • Your breath turns smelly

  • Your intestines have to move to make room, causing stomach pain

  • Your nether regions ooze

  • You can get carpal tunnel (what do the wrists have to do with anything?!)

  • You can have a missed miscarriage, where you lose the baby but your body doesn't know, so you balloon out with a "water sack" and everyone asks about the baby because you look pregnant but there isn't a baby

  • You can have the baby and then the baby can have cancer

  • You can have the baby and then the baby doesn't make it and they have to take out your uterus, too

  • You can have the baby and have it grow to healthy adulthood but then it just resents you

It's like I want it but also I really don't.